To put it in the terms you would:

This is the exact issue that arises the minute you begin to alter the parameters of any given relationship. The moment a single factor is modified from it's original form, complications arise that ruin the future potential for any sort of meaningful friendship.

To put it in the terms I like to use:

Our friendship was based around two things:

Alchohol

and

Facebook

If you'd take a minute to look at things, you'd realize that the best conversations we've ever had have gone as follows:

You have a shit night.

I have an excellent night, and am quite fucking hammered.

For whatever reason, likely some need for any kind of human contact, you will comment or like absolutely everything I post on facebook, no matter how ridiculous or inane.

Then, I will say "hi", because I'm hammered and no one else is online - or at least, that's how the first few times went, because to be pretty honest, I do actually find you quite interesting and enjoy talking to you.

You lay out some big problem. Because I am a charming son of a bitch when you don't know me well, I tell you exactly what you want to hear. You then say things like, and I quote:

"And also I have to say you remind me a lot of myself. Youre like if I was older wiser edgier and also a dude"

and

"Awesome. I came into this conversation wanting to die and I came out of it giving no fucks."

which is ridiculously awesome, because that sort of thing feeds my ego, which is really all I want out of any sort of relationship anyway. I like being flattered needlessly, and making people feel better about things that I really don't care about at all - this is probably my "thing".

So, because this is generally the basis of our total conversations to this point, I am immensely comfortable around you.

So what the fuck was this all about tonight? Don't get me wrong - the initial error was all mine, but absolutely everything else that happened was more your fault than mine.

So, goodbye to what I thought was a pretty good friendship. I'm sorry if you or anyone else misunderstood my intentions - I thought I made it pretty clear that I liked how everything was, so I'm really not sure what you were expecting.

Oh well. At least sangria is only about half as shitty as I remember.