4.7.14

I've been reading the stories about that lady breastfeeding in Starbucks, and feeling insulted by another patron. Now, I personally don't really care much about public breastfeeding - honestly, I don't think about it much in general, let alone enough to form any strong opinions, but I do notice two things I definitely don't like about this story.

1. If I want to whip off my shirt, I'm free to do it pretty much anywhere. I can do it on the bus, in the mall, on the street, etc. There are however, a few places that will generally refuse me service or make a comment if I take off my shirt: Restaurants and airplanes.

Now, I don't really mind this, because I wouldn't really want to stare at my half naked body while trying to eat, and I'm pretty sure no one wants to sit next to the sweaty, slightly pudgy pale shirtless dude on the 8 hour flight to Kawaii.

So how is it acceptable for a woman to do the same thing? Don't get me wrong, I have no issue sitting next to someone who is breastfeeding on a plane, because it's not like you can get up and do it somewhere else, and so long as the baby doesn't burp up on me, I really can't say I have much of a legitimate complaint.

That said, when I'm sitting in a coffee shop drinking milky iced sugars, I would prefer everyone around me to keep their clothing firmly attached to their bodies. Yes, I get that there are specialized garments for this which certainly make it a little different from just "whipping it out", and that this particular lady was likely wearing that sort of clothing, but it doesn't mean everyone everywhere would, and it's really more the principle than this instance that I take slight issue with. And yes, I get that the little guy also wants his milky stuff too, but the reality of the situation is that you are not likely trapped inside the coffee shop, and that your child will not explode should he suffer five minutes of discomfort while you drink your overpriced shit.

Wait, wait, it's now two things and a slight aside here - why the fuck are you breastfeeding your baby right after drinking a bunch of sugary, drug filled crap? I'm not, say, a midwife, but I'm pretty sure that's bad for them. I'm sure it takes time for all the shit to absorb, but if you're in there for long enough that you can't step outside for four seconds to take your shirt off, then I'm sure you've had a few cups.

So yeah, I don't like that or understand it. Unless your kid is a balloon, it would take maybe five minutes to go sit outside, feed your kid, then go back in. If it's hot out, then substitute "outside" for "non-restaurant next door" or "air-conditioned car", or "nice, kind of private corner of the restaurant" at least. I agree, the bathroom is gross and not really a clean place to feed a baby, but it's also maybe a little gross and unsanitary when you burp him next to me. I have the sneaking suspicion that if you are doing something super important that can't be put down, like having some kind of business meeting, that you would not breastfeed your kid right then, just as I would not walk around with an open shirt when I'm at work. You would not want to sit next to my sweaty mantits while you try to eat your food, so why should you expect people would want to be next to yours?

2. I get today's world is a strange and wonderful place for many people, but for some, it is not. It's a slowly declining place, and while I wouldn't really consider this to be much of a sign of that, I certainly know that virtually anyone else in my family, all of my friends parents, and likely really anyone over the age of 40 in this area would be at least made uncomfortable, if not offended, by a woman pulling down their shirt for ANY reason. It's not a matter of considering it immoral or "wrong" in any way - it's just something that some people consider taboo or inappropriate.

Now, as another aside here, don't misunderstand this little example. Just because something is taboo does not make it bad by default - most taboos are really pretty silly. I mean, if you are really confident enough to walk around naked all the time and don't mind sunburns or freezing to death, then by all means, go ahead. I have lots of odd friends, but no constantly naked friends, and depending on your personality and how clean and/or attractive you are, I don't think I'd hold it against you or have much trouble being your buddy. The point I'm trying to get at is more this: If you choose to walk around naked everywhere, then can you really get mad at other people who can't help but stare a little?

Anyway, when I read over this story, I find myself disgusted by the bias. They make it play out like some lady walked in, got offended, yelled at this woman, then stormed out. Now, as with any story you will only ever hear one side to, it's completely possible that's how it went, because there are lots of stupid, unreasonable people out there. But, as much as I disagree with most of them I would never consider my family to be stupid per se, and they certainly would gotten offended as well. Would they have yelled at the lady? Maybe after talking politely to her, then politely to the staff, then reasonably politely to her again.

This doesn't all bother me because I think any of that is really right, it bugs me because everyone is so happy that they made this breastfeeding lady happy, but no one seems to care how upset the other woman was. Thinking it's ok to breastfeed in a restaurant is not any more or less "right" that thinking it's not (or at least not, in my opinion, for these reasons, see issue number 1), but thinking that you have more of a right to be comfortable than someone else just because you have a more "mainstream" viewpoint than they do is very, very wrong.

Think of how this would have been treated 30 years ago* - the lady with the baby would have been kicked out, and the complainant would have gotten free coffee. The reversal of this is not what is disturbing - it's the idea that simply because society has become more accepting of some things, we should simply forget how it felt not to have our ideas accepted, and try to force people with a lifetime of experiences to somehow forget them and subscribe to what we think.

Really, the whole thing is pretty stupid, and simply the result of two rude people. Either the breastfeeder should have been at least polite enough to wait for the offended lady to leave before feeding, or the offended lady should have been polite enough to look away or move tables - if the lady rally looked like she does in her picture, it's not exactly hard to look elsewhere, avoid thinking about it, and enjoy your meal. If the other woman really got that upset, then it doesn't seem too unreasonable to wait five minutes for her to leave either. Instead, we get international fucking headlines and a long blog that should really have been a comment on the media instead.

*It should been noted that sometimes this "you can't blame them, that's how they were raised" argument gets used for a lot of things it shouldn't. For example, one should not say this in regards to argue against the "equality**" of black people or women, because regardless of how anyone feels, it's pretty obvious that treating everyone based one merit is maybe a little better of a system than basing their worth on skin color and number of penises. If aliens landed at any point in earth's history, they'd probably be very puzzled as to how we managed to get this far while dividing our civilization on things that are about as arbitrary as the size of earlobes when you really think about it.

**Equality is a pretty stupid concept too. Men and women are not equal, just like black people and white people are not equal, just like green people and purple people would probably not be equal, simply because people in general are not all equal. I am not equal to Laura Prepon in terms of "goodlooking redhead" scaling, but, at the same time, I really doubt she is equal to me in say, ability to drink stupendous amounts without dying. As another example, Barrak Obama is nowhere near equal to someone like Sarah Palin in terms of actually running a government properly (despite the media portrayal and my onetime opinion, she actually was pretty good at what she did), but is far, far better at coming across as someone who can rather than a weak, simpering idiot (which he kind of turned out to be. Shocker). Trying to make everyone equal is dumb on so many levels it's actually harmful to society - some people are simply better at some things than others, and I think in a world where those with true merit are allowed to actually realize their potential, things would probably be much better for everyone including those of us with no particular talents. Or, we'd all be wiped out by the first evil genius to show up, which could be interesting in itself.

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/julia-wykes/the-disturbing-trend-i-noticed-when-my-breastfeeding-story-went-viral_b_5551589.html

This is one side of the story, if you are interested. as with everything that bothers me in today's news, it's not really impartial - written by one of the ladies involved, in fact.

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