The end

So, that is it, dear BlogSpot. It ended not with a bang, but with a whimper.

I have much to say to my dear reader on this, but nothing worth mentioning.

Twas an ok couple years, anyway, and as I've said before, I think this was more therapeutic than for anyone else's benefit.

Yeah, ok, that was pretty mean.

Don't drink that much again, Steve-o.

Blogging, at this precise moment, feels pretty pointless. I don't really need to write out and read over my feelings on the topic at hand to figure out a course of action, or how I really feel about the situation. It took like three sentences to figure that out.

So, what motivates me to do it? I don't know. It's sometimes nice to air out your satisfaction at accomplishing something, rather than reflecting on what's going wrong, I guess. But I really don't know.

So, I guess that's what i'll say instead.

And we sink, and we drown.

The problem with PBS' broadcasts are that they have absolutely no budget to access anything really, really cool, so they will take the most mundane of subjects, and try to make it far more interesting that in really is.

Take the Nova series, which features such awesome sounding films as:

NOVA: Why do ships sink?

As the opening credits rolled, I said to myself "Gee, I sure hope the hour long answer to this question isn't 'water'".

So, I watched this whole thing about why the Titanic sank, and why the Concordia sank, and while all these other, lesser ships sank in the early 90s.

Now, I may not be your average PBS viewer, but I thought it was pretty clear within the first three seconds that:

1. The Titanic sank because no one was paying attention and they hit an iceberg.

2. The Concordia sank because the captain was an idiot and seems to have just been curious as to what a sinking ship looks like from the safety of a lifeboat. If you remember that huge train crash that happened a few years ago because the conductor (literally) just wanted to see how fast it would go, then it starts to become clear that Italians should not be in charge of mass transport systems. note, I may be thinking of Spain, but am too lazy to check.

3. The other two ships sunk because they hit really big waves and were poorly designed, and the crew abandoned them instantly without trying to stop leaks or warn the passengers.

Based on these three points, I concluded that most ships sink because of captain error, and that some cruise ships sink because of inherent and easily corrected design flaws. I also concluded that should I ever find myself on one (I'm a sail kinda guy anyway), and should anything seem even remotely wrong, I should get into the closest lifeboat even if people tell me I'm crazy.

But no, that's not at all the documentary was trying to say. Obviously, highly paid captains are simply expected to be inept, so I was treated to a whole hour of low budget tests.

First, we had to see if the steel was at fault. Was it any better than that of the Titanic? After all, it's 2014, we should be able to build ships that can just plow through insignificant things like coral reefs, right?

Well, it turns out that yes, steel is better nowadays, but no, you can't build something that will still float which can withstand plowing it's million-ton bulk into a giant rock at 20 miles an hour. Guess that settles the oh so relevant debate.

Then, we got to hear about how the Titanic sunk because it had a poor bulkhead design. How did new ships stand up to that? Well, after a century of R&D, bulkheads now extend to the top of the ship, so yeah, that particular problem is solved. But unfortunately, water can still pass into the pipes and sink the ship by coming up through the toilets.

And it went on and on.

Finally, in the end, they talked about the two ships that sank because of obvious crew neglect and some really big waves.

"Finally, we'll find out that it's usually crew error that causes these ships to sink!" I thought, "There will be at least some consistent point to all this."

Unfortunately, no, I was wrong. The grand point was indeed that ships sink because they fill with fucking water, and that will always be the way it is.

Anyway, now I'm watching some mining documentary, which is already hilariously fucking horrible. It is kind of fun to hear an Indian dude say the exact words "In the beginning, Canada was private property. All of the western land was owned by the Hudson Bay Company of England".

Thanks, PBS. I'm glad you're free.

I think I will watch that Rock of Ages movie that Lisa was watching the other day. It's pretty terrible too (a musical where they were too lazy to even try to write a couple of shitty songs?), but that's simply because I find the concept kind of dumb. It does make decent background for other things, though.

To put it in the terms you would:

This is the exact issue that arises the minute you begin to alter the parameters of any given relationship. The moment a single factor is modified from it's original form, complications arise that ruin the future potential for any sort of meaningful friendship.

To put it in the terms I like to use:

Our friendship was based around two things:

Alchohol

and

Facebook

If you'd take a minute to look at things, you'd realize that the best conversations we've ever had have gone as follows:

You have a shit night.

I have an excellent night, and am quite fucking hammered.

For whatever reason, likely some need for any kind of human contact, you will comment or like absolutely everything I post on facebook, no matter how ridiculous or inane.

Then, I will say "hi", because I'm hammered and no one else is online - or at least, that's how the first few times went, because to be pretty honest, I do actually find you quite interesting and enjoy talking to you.

You lay out some big problem. Because I am a charming son of a bitch when you don't know me well, I tell you exactly what you want to hear. You then say things like, and I quote:

"And also I have to say you remind me a lot of myself. Youre like if I was older wiser edgier and also a dude"

and

"Awesome. I came into this conversation wanting to die and I came out of it giving no fucks."

which is ridiculously awesome, because that sort of thing feeds my ego, which is really all I want out of any sort of relationship anyway. I like being flattered needlessly, and making people feel better about things that I really don't care about at all - this is probably my "thing".

So, because this is generally the basis of our total conversations to this point, I am immensely comfortable around you.

So what the fuck was this all about tonight? Don't get me wrong - the initial error was all mine, but absolutely everything else that happened was more your fault than mine.

So, goodbye to what I thought was a pretty good friendship. I'm sorry if you or anyone else misunderstood my intentions - I thought I made it pretty clear that I liked how everything was, so I'm really not sure what you were expecting.

Oh well. At least sangria is only about half as shitty as I remember.

Weee, what a fun night. I am super fucked up and will likely not sleep for hours now.

Fucking weird-ass german drugs.

Tomorrow, we go to the windmills, to do... windmill things? Yes, that. Then, GET TO THE CHOPPER, even though it's not really realistically going anywhere fast without us. Then, probably KFC, beers, and maybe something that explodes, boom!

Wine, my photon-generated friend (there is apparently no such word as "photonly"), is the most deceptive of the alcohols. It doesn't sneak up on you so much as do nothing at all until you try to focus on something for more than three or four seconds.

Then, it's all photonically and sedons and other such non-wirds.

This summer bothers me. I lack a car, and this inhibits most of the things I'd like to do in the summer, namely drive out into the middle of nowhere by myself and sleep in the truck.

Instead, this summer will be like last summer, or the summer before. I am FUCKING BUSY, which annoys me.

I would have thought no car would be an impediment to a social life, but now that I'm forced into getting rides, I'm also being forced to spend my weekends doing things with other people. Which I will grudgingly admit has kind of been a lot of fun recently. Usually though, I'd like a day a week where I can do nothing, and I'm not getting it right now.

Did you know that simulating oral sex in Dairy Queen is a good way to get many, many disapproving looks from old people? I sure did. Kinda seems like common sense, really. People are weird.


I just looked in a mirror for the first time in what seems like whatever. I look old now, and right now, would not probably recognize myself on the street. Not that I spent much time looking at myself anyway.

Here's me now:



Me and Flo look so unimpressed because we've been standing like this for seven or eight minutes.

Rocco looks goofy because he is, in the best ways.



I am acting like an old Italian man. Rocco is doing my bidding. Flo looks unimpressed either because I'm Italian or just finished making out with the muffler that's behind me (not pictured.

Don't ask about the hat. It started out ironically, but actually looks fucking good, so fuck you.

Oh, more interesting!