This is the worst.

There's nothing wrong. Work is ok. I got the girl and she's fun and normal and really just great. I'm unhappy with my living situation right this second, but it's objectively not that bad. I haven't really been drinking, just smoking a little too much, and smoking too many cigarettes, but all in all I'm pretty good on that front.

Pretty much nothing is objectively great. The job is shit and entry level, the girl is much too far out of  my league to stick around and it's pretty evident that she won't, the living situation isn't objectively that good either. I haven't been drinking only because it just bums me out, and I've been smoking just because it makes me a little more realistic and introspective on why I'm bummed out (which, I mean, is sometimes much better and sometimes much worse), but it is, in the end, probably making things much worse.

I have some good friends. I don't like most of them, or just can't deal with their dramatic shit regularly, but they aren't bad people and probably do care about me a little.

And so on and so on. I just fucking hate it. This is the worst. This is peak mediocrity and I didn't even think that concept could exist.

I don't want to do this anymore but I don't know what to do.

The real problem is that as a human, I just don't really fit. I don't know what else I'd fit as, but I'm just not like these people, even the ones I have things in common with.

And while I'm rational enough to realize a lot of people probably feel like this, it doesn't mean you can fit with those people, because that could well be the only commonality.

I'm tired of it, man. And I think everything else wrong with me in the sense of getting depressed really just stems from that feeling. Or maybe it doesn't. I don't know, I don't think there's anything more than just gut feeling to go with on that, or any way to be more sure.

I wonder if there's a pill for this somewhere. A little orange thing that turns you into everyone else and lets you relate and just kinda float around through life. I don't want to exist like this anymore, but it's not like I don't want to exist, period, and I think I'd take well to some kind of autopilot setting.

Actually, what I'm thinking of sounds a lot like opiates. It would be great to just be able to feel stoned as fuck and watching the show while your body just does everything for you.

Maybe I'll try some anti-depressants and see what happens there. Even if it doesn't get you stoned, maybe it will autopilot a bit.

I have a handful of real things to worry about anyway. I should probably stop being such a bitch and get to work on the affect-able things like finding a new place to rent.