So here's the deal.

you wanna know how things end for me?

I'm going to kill myself.

It's not a cry for help. The one person I've shared this with that I actually know has told me she doesn't read it. She was worried that would make her a bad friend. Not the case at all. I never impressed the importance of reading this on her. Nor should I expect some random fucking person to give a shit about me. That's really what it is. I'm ok with that.

This is going to be my last post, dear readers. It doesn't mean I've offed myself. As far as I can tell, that's at least five years away.

The simple reality is that I don't want to do this anymore.

I don't want this life anymore. You can say "it's never too late", but I don't think that's relevant. Let me present you with a problem you, and no one else, can solve. Is it "never too late" to solve the unsolvable?

You might think so. In that case, you don't get it. And that's ok.

Here's an easy way to break it down.

If I were to just dissapear tomorrow, here's the people who would miss me:

1. My parents. Dad would wish he could have given me something better. The reality is that he gave me the best he ever could. He's a great person and a great dad. Mom is a similar case. In the end, me being gone would be a bigger issue to her because it would reflect badly on her, though. I don't want to reflect badly on anyone.

2. Work. Because I'm fucking GOOD at it. Really though, they wouldn't care. I mean, as with my similar post a few months ago, they'd notice that I'd stopped coming in. Probably pretty quickly, as I'm easily the best worker there.

Otherwise. Nah. I mean. No one reads this blog. As mentioned, it's because I never stated such a thing was important. No blame on anyone else. But like. No one reads this blog because it's just not that important to them.

And I think that can be extrapolated into me being not that important to them.

Which is fine. But not something I want to live with.

So here's what happened to me, long after I stopped posting here:

I killed myself after my parents, the only people it mattered to, died. It wasn't so bad. Maybe, dear random ass reader, we met on the other side. Maybe we didn't and that doesn't exist. I don't know. But you can consider this a final note on this blog, and, should someone read this in the future, after that has happened, you can maybe consider it part of many revelatory posts.