13.7.17

I am an idiot.

----

Oh well.

I had a dream last night. We were at this big show of some kind, in this giant semi-open air mall thing. Most of it was fairly unremarkable, looking around, whatever. We were fighting, because hey why not.

My old pal Lucas was there, playing guitar and stuff, and there were drums, all just sitting in this big hallway, so I jammed with him for a while. Afterwards, I had some really big fight with you about something, and basically said "alright, that's it". You stormed off up the huge staircase, all sad and crying. I went and played drums and laughed and had a good time, and made sixty bucks some how, and generally kinda forgot about you.

Then somehow, the kids from the simpsons showed up, and I had to look after them. One of them ran away, but I couldn't go find him while dragging the others along. So I left them playing on the edge of the roof (which lead to some interestingly weird world moving vertigo when I got near it. Anyway, they're cartoon characters, I figured they'd be fine.), and ran off to find the other kid.

Then, somehow, the place caught on fire. The nearest door was locked. I was pretty tired and didn't really want to deal with it, so I went to bed. Let me burn, whatever.

But no. You kicked down the door to my room. Smoke poured in from the hallway, and I could hear screams and shit as the whole building started to come apart. You were wearing this suit made out of soaked rags. I guess I'm only assuming it was you, since you looked like a pudgy version of the scarecrow from batman. Anyway.

"Hi," you said, like we were going to talk about shit and work it out or cuddle.

"We have to get out of here!" I cried. If I wasn't going to burn to death in peace, I didn't really want to burn to death.

"Why?"

"Because the building is on fire?" I motion around, incredulous.

"Oh."

I notice a door at the end of the hall that clearly says "Outside". Somehow I missed that before.

"Look," I jump out of the room, "We can get out right over there."

"Why?"

"Uh"

"But it's so cold out there."

Then you grabbed my arm, trying to drag me back so that you didn't have to die alone from your own actions.

I woke up before it happened.

----

I think it's actually a good parallel to what's happening here.

So here's my plan. I'm just not gonna worry. Que sera sera and shit, you know? Worrying gets me nowhere, as does actively trying to do anything about things. I think I'll just not pay attention. I don't really know what else to do and don't give enough of a fuck to think of a better plan.This is something for now. It doesn't mean forever, and for now is good enough.

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