I am lonely.

Beyond working hours, I exist in this sort of magical, special bubble of solitude, where my actions influence nothing and I am separate from the rest of humanity as a whole. To an objective, outside observer, from about 6 PM to about 9 AM, I simply cease to exist.

I truely think that if I were to just dissapear during this time, no one would really notice. My parents would eventually, but would assume I'm fine and just doing my thing. Eve and Lisa would, though I'm not sure Eve is really capable of understanding the nature of our relationship and it would be more a thing of note for Lisa than a noteworthy thing. Work would, obviously. I'm fairly sure they are the only ones who would really be concerned, at least until they figured out I don't actually do anything there and how all the automated stuff works.

I don't know how to fix this. I'm too old and weird for the bars. I'm too young to associate with people by dint of being a dying generation. How do you meet real people?

I'm giving up on finding more intimate companionship. I have no idea what I want - really, all I can do is pin down what I don't want. It's not a good way to design a criteria. And the more I think about it, the more I realize that any kind of successful interaction there is pretty much impossible. I don't even know who I am anymore. I mean. I can establish some things based on observation - I'm a blobbish thing that clicks buttons nine hours a day, and I'm pretty unambitious. But I don't know. What are my interests? Hobbies?

Bah. Fuck. Bah. I quit.